“Agar koi tumhari salary na increase kare , tumhe promotion na de,
tum kam karte raho….

sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo……

promotion ki ummed na karo…….

Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.

Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega”
Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile ,
to uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena…. aur kehna…….
I

am resigning; others will also do the same

if u don’t ,,,,,

GET WELL SOON MAMU

The recent India Australia one day series has been more in the news for the ‘wrong’ reasons that the right ones. But first the cricket and my disclaimer – Australia was and still is the better cricket team. Nobody in their right mind would contest that. But what that title has brought with it remains to be examined.

Sreesanth’s tomfoolery and Mumbai / Baroda crowd antics have got Australia’s goat and they are screaming “racism, racism” louder than Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu !!
I would say it is a clear case of the kettle calling the pot black, or rather ‘Ulta Chor Kotwaal Ko Daante’. Have these guys forgotten Darren Lehmann who called Sri Lankans as Black C***s on the field ?? Have these guys forgotten how often their sledging gets personal ?? Remember Glenn McGrath taunting Ramnaresh Sarwan and Saurav Ganguly? Remember Michael Slater taking it out on Dravid?

C’mon Aussie – just because someone turned the heat back on you – and gave you a piece of your own medicine, you’ve turned overnight into Sisters from the Missionaries of Charity !!

Symonds, the man at the centre of this all had this to say at the start of the series… “Something has been sparked inside of me, watching them carry on over the last few days,. We have had a very successful side and I think watching how we celebrate and how they celebrate, I think we have been pretty humble in the way we have gone about it.”

“And personally, I think they have got far too carried away with their celebrations. It has definitely sparked passion inside of us. It has certainly spiced it up as well.”

Humble?? My fuckin ass !!! I’d like to shove some memory pills down his throat to remind them of what they did to Sharad Pawar after winning the Champions Trophy. Or of their own celebrations when they returned to Sydney after winning the World Cup.

I used to think of you as a champion side, a side full of sportsmen – not anymore, you’re just another bunch of bigoted, racist, full of yourselves white boys masquerading as ambassadors for the sport. Sorry, we do not want ambassadors like you. We’d rather have more Sachin Tendulkars and Rahul Dravids – not because they are one of the best cricketers, but simply because they are one of the nicest human beings you’ll meet on a cricket field. Sport needs them – not you

Sending off a friend on a short assignment out of town is a difficult task. More difficult if she is a 21-year-old pretty girl.

Today one of my girl colleagues left for Mumbai on an assignment. She would be away from office for close to a fortnight and we are all going to miss her.

You might doubt our intentions because she is pretty and had joined our company only a day earlier…but we are definitely going to miss her.Being the most enterprising, during a casual coffee break I suggested that we give the girl – for convenience sake let us name her Harini – a quick farewell. The fact that the girl was pretty (and had a sexy voice!) had nothing to do with my suggestion.Somehow, the other girls in the group weren’t very keen. “She will be back in a fortnight,” they frowned in unison. I wasn’t surprised because these were the same set of girls who only minutes earlier had said: ‘Sushmita Sen isn’t sexy!”

If you know the girl’s mobile number, getting into a conversation with her is easy. Just dial her number, tell her that you are calling from the ICICI Bank’s credit card division and want to tell her about an interesting Gold card offer. If she buys your story sheprobably is dumb enough to buy your second story too – that buying you a dinner in the evening will prove her credit worthiness.

Haalli Padu Ki Nahi Ha Prashna Padto Mala
Haalli Padu Ki Nahi Ha Prashna Padto Malaa……
Pan Padtana matra Bhanach Rahat nahi mala…..
Padlya Nanter Mitra Mhantat Sheeee Padlas kiti Ghan…..
Ani Mag Mala Athavate Kalchi Kobi chi Bhaji hoti Kiti Chaan…….

Ani Mag Suru Hoto Athvani-nich Pravas….
Ti Kobi Chi Bhaji,
To Flower cha suvaas…..

Khupach Chaan ani
Khupach Chaan…………………

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
- George CarlinAh, yes, “divorce”, from the Latin word meaning “to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
- Robin Williams                                                                                     

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!’ I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?”
- Larry Miller

(Ed note: These lovely lines were used to great effect in Jahnu Barua’s beautiful Maine Gandhi Ko Nahin Maara. Thanx to Mr. Harivanshrai Bacchan for coming up wid such inspiring lines.)

Lehron Se Darr Kar Nauka Paar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki Haar Nahin Hoti

Nanhiin Cheeteen Jab Daana Lekar Chalti Hai
Chadhti Deewaron Par Sau Baar Phisalti Hai
Mann Ka Vishwaas Ragon Mein Saahas Bharta Hai
Chadh Kar Girna, Girkar Chadhna Naa Aakarta Hai
Aakhir Uski Mehnat Bekaar Nahin Hoti
Koshish Karne Walon Ki Haar Nahin Hoti

Dubkiyaan Sindhu Mein Goota Khoor Lagaata Hai
Jaa Jaa Kar Khaali Haath Laut Aata Hai
Milte Na Shaheej Ke Moti Paani Mein
Behta Doona Utsaah Isi Hairaani Mein
Muthi Uski Khaali Haar Baar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki Haar Nahin Hoti

Asafalta Ek Chunauti Hai Sweekaar Karo
Kya Kami Reh Gayi Dekho Aur Sudhaar Karo
Jab Tak Nasafaal Ho Neend Chaain Ko Tyaago Tum
Sungharshon Ka Maidaan Chhodh Mat Bhaago Tum
Kucch Kiye Bina Hi Jai Jai Kar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki Haar Nahin Hoti

Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the
1969 act, in section “49-O” that a person can go to the polling
booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the
presiding election officer that he doesn’t want to vote anyone! Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these seemingly
notorious leaders have never disclosed it. This is called “49-O”.

Why should you go and say “I VOTE NOBODY”… because, in a ward, if
a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has
received “49-O” votes more than 123, then that polling will be
cancelled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the
candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot
contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their
decision on them. This would bring fear into parties and hence look
for genuine candidates for their parties for election. This would
change the way, of our whole political system… it is seemingly
surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a
feature to the public….

Please spread this news to as many as you know… Seems to be a
wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India… show your
power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more
powerful than voting… so don’t miss your chance. So either vote,
or vote not to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on…

Men get laid, but women get screwed.
– Quentin Crisp (English writer)

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
– Frederick Ryder

I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. “Please, I’ll only put it in for a minute.” What am I, a microwave?
– Beverly Mickins (American comedienne)

A woman’s appetite is twice that of a man’s; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.
– Sanskrit proverb

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
– Remy de Gourmant (French writer)

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
– H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956)

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.
– Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
– B. Johnson

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
– Carrie Snow

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.
– Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
– Erica Jong

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
– Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
– Sue Grafton

I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
– Roseanne

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it’s because it’s cold in there. And I’m like: How did my mother know THAT?
– Wendy Liebman

I think-therefore I’m single.
– Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
– Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
– Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
– Gloria Steinem

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
– Linda Ellerbee

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.”
– Joey Adams

“Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.”
– Aldous Huxley

“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”
– Ronald Reagan

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.”
– Woody Allen

“Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.”
– Joseph Fischer

“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.”
– Swami X

“Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.”
– Aaron Levenstein

“The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.”
– Anonymous

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”
– Phyllis Diller

“When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.”
– Samuel Johnson

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.”
– Al Bundy

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.”
– David Bissonette

“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”
– Johnny Carson

“If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.”
– Chekhov

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
– Agatha Christie

“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.”
– Irwin Corey

“Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”
– Ken Dodd

“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
– Sacha Guitry

“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”
– Margo Kaufman

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
– Sam Kinison

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
– Groucho Marxv

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”
– Jackie Mason

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
– James Holt McGavran

“A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.”
– Ogden Nash

“When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.”
– Helen Rowland

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”
– Rita Rudner

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
– Lana Turner

“We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.”
– Shelley Winters

“I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.”
– Henny Youngman

“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.”
– George Carlin

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
– Ellen DeGeneris

“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.”
– Carol Leifer

“A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.”
– Shelley Berman

“Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.”
– Billiam Coronel

“I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
– Dave Edison

“Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.”
– Steve Bluestone

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
– Rita Rudner

“Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
– Johnny Carson

“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.”
– Will Rogers

“Never moon a werewolf.”
– Mike Binder

“If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.”
– Bobcat Goldthwait

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
– Elayne Boosler

“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
– John Mendoza

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.”
– Rita Mae Brown

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
– Ellen DeGeneres

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and Says,

“My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The Monks graciously accept him, feeds him dinner, and even fixes his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange Sound.

A sound not like anything he’s ever heard before!

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind.

He doesn’t sleep that night.

He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was,

but they say,”We can’t tell you. You’re not a Monk.”

Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound,

the man goes back to the monastery and Pleads for the answer again.

The Monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a Monk.”

The man says, “If the only way I can find out

what Is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk,

Then please, make me a Monk.”!

The Monks reply,

“You must travel the earth and tell us

how many blades of grass there are

and the exact number of grains of sand.

When you find these Answers,

you will have become a Monk.”

The man sets about his task.
After years of searching he returns

as a gray haired old man and knocks on the door of the Monastery.

A Monk answers.

He is taken before a gathering of all the Monks.

“In my quest to find what makes that beautiful Sound,

I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for:

By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change.

Only God knows what you ask.

All a man can know is himself, and only then if!

He is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.”

The Monks reply, “Congratulations.

You have become A Monk.

We shall now show you the way to the Mystery of the sacred sound.”

The Monks lead the man to a wooden door,

where The head monk says,

“The sound is beyond that Door.”

The Monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man is given the key to the stone door and he Opens it,

only to find a door made of ruby.

And so it went that he needed keys to doors of Emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid Gold.

The sound has become very clear and definite.

The Monks say, “This is the Last key to the last door.”

The man is apprehensive to no end.

His life’s Wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door,

Turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open.

Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed

to discover the source of that haunting

And seductive sound……

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But I can’t tell you what it is…..you’re not a Monk.

dont b mad guys, ifelt the same when i read this.